Tense

I realized the other day that I can no longer say, "I have been in ministry almost 25 years." I have to say, "I was in ministry almost 25 years."

simple past tense

I was listening to one of Mark's sermons, and the world I used to live in came back so strongly. I was engaged, with my mind and spirit and body, in life and ministry. Mark and I talked about everything, evaluated, planned, prayed through things, wondered, organized, spent most of our days with people God was working in, worked with all that we were.

Today I go to a place of ministry, but I am not involved in it. I sit in a chair behind open windows of a booth and push a button - literally, that's the main thing I do! I push a button to let people in a door. I hand out clipboards with forms to be filled out. I have a very small ministry of being warm and helpful and friendly to worried people, trying to lighten their days just a little. But I have to be careful not to connect too much with most of them, because they are men in fragile situations, and I am a woman who could be very sympathetic. So mostly I hold back.

On one hand, God has given me everything I need: a job that pays just what I need it to and lets me be home when the boys are, with minimal demands. On the other hand, I see needs I so want to meet but am restricted from.

I assume there is a reason for it, that God has me in this place to show me something. Right at this moment I am pretty fuzzy on what that might be! I've tried to figure it out...but He seems to be saying, don't even try to figure it out yet. Just take each day I give you, do what you have to do in it, and see where I take you.

I just hope I have the patience and receptivity to learn it, eventually.